Trump Book Reports

More Old Novel Perspectives.

This is the tweet that launched a million #TrumpBookReports

Antonio French @AntonioFrench

Trump’s foreign policy answers sound like a book report from a teenager who hasn’t read the book. “Oh, the grapes! They had so much wrath!”

This comment spawned hundreds of other mock book reviews. Check twitter for the latest Trump Book Reports, but to give you a flavour of what is around to enjoy, here is a selection  …

Pride and Prejudice? Two of my best qualities, my pride and my prejudice. No one prouder or more prejudiced than me folks. #TrumpBookReports

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Wuthering Heights? Edward Linton, great guy. Lots of money. Crooked Catherine had too many secrets. Disgusting woman.

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Crooked Harry Potter is all lies. Voldemort a strong leader! Wizards need to build a wall and make the muggles pay for it #TrumpBookReports

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Lady Macbeth? Nasty woman. MacDuff? One bad hombre, ok? The witches rigged the prophecies, believe me, total disaster. #trumpbookreports

 

#TrumpBookReports The Bible. Judas, good guy. Only one of the 12 that made money. Media crucified him.

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Robin Hood? Total loser. Criminal. Should be jailed. Worst economic plan ever! Helping the poor for free? I’ll prosecute. #TrumpBookReports

 

Dr. Seuss? What a nasty man. No depth. Joke. And I checked his records. Not a doctor, folks. Sad! #TrumpBookReports

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We’re going to build a big, beautiful, brick house and make the wolf pay for it. #TrumpBookReports

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I can show you how to kill a mockingbird. I could stand in the middle of 5th Ave & kill a mockingbird and not lose votes. #TrumpBookReports

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The Gatsby? Not that great. Believe me. I’ll make Gatsby great again. #TrumpBookReports

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Anne Frank, Disgusting! And she was captured. I like people who weren’t captured. She’s no hero.#TrumpBookReports

 

Frankly, Jesus was a disaster – I prefer saviours who don’t get crucified. And Pontius Pilate was a very strong leader. #TrumpBookReports

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It was the best of times. Wrong. It was the worst of times. Many people were saying it. These 2 inner cities. Disasters. #TrumpBookReports

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Charlie wins chocolate factory. It was rigged, folks. Believe me #TrumpBookReports

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The Giving Tree. Tremendous tree. Gives away all its branches for free. Awful. Would have negotiated better deal. #TrumpBookReports

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#TrumpBookReports 7 days? I could create it in 5 and do a better job. 7 days? What a disaster! I mean really. Wasteful. So wasteful folks.

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That Tiny Tim, what a loser. With his crutches. He’s just looking for a handout, folks. That’s all I gotta say. #TrumpBookReports

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Hamlet? Such a disaster. Can’t decide to be or not. Bigly indecisive.  And Ophelia? Not my first choice. #TrumpBookReports

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#TrumpBookReports “The Odyssey”. Supposed to be a poem. Didn’t even rhyme. Worst thing Homer Simpson has ever written.

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Oedipus was a loser. I like people who aren’t blind, OK? But if Jocasta was my mother, perhaps I’d be dating her.#TrumpBookReports

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“It was much ado, right? Sooo much ado. You saw this, right? ABOUT NOTHING! ABOUT NOTHING!” #TrumpBookReports

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“This book was a disaster. Could’ve solved the mystery myself. Nancy Drew? Not very attractive. Too nosy. Probably ISIS.” #TrumpBookReports

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“Juliet. Such a nasty woman. She made Romeo kill himself. And believe me he could have done better. Look at her.” #TrumpBookReport

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Catch 22? I coulda caught a lot more, let me tell ya folks. 40 at least, believe me. Hillary hasn’t caught a thing – sad! #TrumpBookReports

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“At least Voldemort is a leader, unlike what we have in this country. They won’t even say his name. Sad!” #TrumpBookReports

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Let me tell you, I’m going to make expectations great again. We used to have great expectations. The best! Not any more. #TrumpBookReports

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Believe me, she loved to eat, that very hungry caterpillar. No self control. Sad! #TrumpBookReports

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Sauron, a great Lord. He respects me & I’ll tell you what else, he has very strong borders. No one just walks into Mordor. #TrumpBookReports

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Gatsby? Not great; didn’t get the girl. I tell you, I would get the girl, get any girl I want #trumpbookreports

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People are saying Hillary sent the cat to cause all the trouble. And that hat? There’s something going on with that hat. #TrumpBookReports

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Listen you got two households, worst in all Verona, these inner-city kids, taking their lives. Its ruining traffic. Sad. #TrumpBookReports

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We must wall all wardrobes to stop these Narnians. There’re not sending their best, fauns and beavers pouring in… #TrumpBookReports

 

 

You know who that bell tolls for? It tolls for me. We’ve got great bells up in Trump Tower. Best bells. Big beautiful bells #TrumpBookReports

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The sound, it was tremendous. And the fury, believe me, you can’t imagine how much fury there was. Tremendous fury. #TrumpBookReports

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There’s this student at Notre Dame, great guy, the best grades, crippled. Hunchback. Is Obamacare working? You tell me #TrumpBookReports

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Menelaus is very weak. Helen of Troy would have never cheated on me. She knows I’m way better than Paris. #TrumpBookReports

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“There’s these hitchhikers, thousands of them, and they’re pouring into the galaxy like you wouldn’t believe.” #trumpbookreports

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Let me tell you this. That Elizabeth Bennett would not have been my first choice. Such a nasty woman. #TrumpBookReports

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#TrumpBookReports In 1984 Hillary says she loves Big Brother, don’t believe her folks, I’ve always loved Big Brother. No one loves him more.

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I was very impressed by the games where people were hungry. Those were the best games. #trumpbookreports

 

“The Old Man and the Sea is about a man, who is old, and the sea, or ocean as some people say…” #TrumpBookReports

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#TrumpBookReports Art of War: that is a dumb book. Not one word on bombing enemy families. Real soldiers hate this book! @TrumpBookReview

 

2 Corinthians walk into a bar and say “ouch!” #TrumpBibleJokes or #TrumpBookReports

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