Mendacity: the Mystery Facts

From Old Possum’s Book of Political Gaffes

Evidence: the pudding’s proof – at decision-making’s core,
In criminal investigations, it’s what underpins the law.
To the bafflement of voting folk, the electorate’s despair,
When Brexit claims are scrutinised – the evidence’s not there!

Mendacity, mendacity, this looks like base mendacity,
There never were campaigns of such deception and depravity.
The degree of obfuscation made even Evan Davis stare,
Now Brexit claims are scrutinised – the evidence’s not there!

You may seek it in the tabloids, you may look into the air –
But I tell you once and once again, the evidence’s not there!

Boris led the Leave campaign, said the country had to choose.
But he’s not a man you recognise, when you see him on the news.
He’s looking far more serious, now the pigeons have come home;
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his blond locks need a comb.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;
And though you think he’s half asleep, in truth he’s wide awake.

Take Michael Gove, a minister who scorns the experts’ view.
Now, he’s a chap with previous form, who may or not speak true.
He denounced the EU budget, claimed the funding was unfair,
But now the truth’s discovered, and the evidence’s not there!

He’s outwardly respectable (but friends should watch their backs)
And he’s seemingly impervious to kryptonite attacks.
But now the vote’s been taken and the ballot outcome’s known
At least the electoral process puts him back under his stone.
Who could have been selected to lead the Brexit plan?
Ay, there’s the wonder of the thing! Gove might just have been that man!

So the Tory Party select their leader – Theresa May
(Her rival Andrea Leadsom having fallen by the way).
There may still be calls for re-runs of the referendum vote
But it’s useless to expect too much – I think we’ve missed that boat!
To steady the economy, the new PM won’t say
That she needs to keep George Osborne, so he’s a mile away.
You’ll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumb;
Or engaged in doing complicated Brexit-busting sums.

Mendacity, mendacity, there’s been too much mendacity,
There never were campaigns of such deception and depravity.
Retractions and clarifications, and one or two to spare:
But for far too many assertions – the evidence wasn’t there!

And they say that British Values are the fundamental core
(I might mention Faith Acceptance, I might mention Rule of Law)
But there’s something else important – being honest, being just.
We need some politicians we can absolutely trust ….

……

 

NB For interest, have a look at this House of Commons Committee taking evidence on the costs and benefits of EU membership : http://data.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/committeeevidence.svc/evidencedocument/treasury-committee/the-economic-and-financial-costs-and-benefits-of-uks-eu-membership/oral/32135.html

Based on TS Eliot’s:

Macavity: The Mystery Cat

 

Macavity’s a Mystery Cat: he’s called the Hidden Paw—

For he’s the master criminal who can defy the Law.

He’s the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad’s despair:

For when they reach the scene of crime—Macavity’s not there!

 

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,

He’s broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.

His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,

And when you reach the scene of crime—Macavity’s not there!

You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air—

But I tell you once and once again, Macavity’s not there!

 

Macavity’s a ginger cat, he’s very tall and thin;

You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.

His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;

His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.

He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;

And when you think he’s half asleep, he’s always wide awake.

 

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,

For he’s a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.

You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square—

But when a crime’s discovered, then Macavity’s not there!

 

He’s outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)

And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard’s

And when the larder’s looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,

Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke’s been stifled,

Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair

Ay, there’s the wonder of the thing! Macavity’s not there!

 

And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty’s gone astray,

Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,

There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair—

But it’s useless to investigate—Macavity’s not there!

And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:

It must have been Macavity!’—but he’s a mile away.

You’ll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumb;

Or engaged in doing complicated long division sums.

 

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,

There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.

He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:

At whatever time the deed took place—MACAVITY WASN’T THERE!

And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known

(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)

Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time

Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!

            T.S. Eliot

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