The Head and the Governors

Pupil premium (PP) funding is made available to schools, according to the number of pupils eligible now (or in the past) for FSM, in order to promote achievement of pupils in disadvantaged groups.

The Head and the Governors have to show
The impact of PP spend.
It isn’t so funny – the use of the money
Must be tracked from the start to the end.
But the pupil premium spending sum
Isn’t ring-fenced or subject to rules
“O lovely funding! O funding to come!
What a wonderful bonus for schools
For schools
For schools
What a wonderful bonus for schools!

Said the finance committee, “This dosh looks so pretty!
How charming to have no directive!”
Without planning for later, and ignoring the data,
They spent it on things less effective.
Funds were whittled away, for a year and a day,
Till the midst of their next Ofsted throes.
The inspector that came said, “Such a shame!
There isn’t one governor who knows,
Who knows,
Who knows,
There isn’t one governor who knows,”

“Dear Chair, are you able to show me a table?
Interventions for the last twelve months ending?
It’s not rocket science, there’s plenty of guidance
On knowing the impact of spending”
The questions were searching, the governors were lurching
To learn that they should have known more.
At the end of the day, to the governors’ dismay
The judgement came out as a four
A four
A four
The judgement came out as a four …..

.

Based on Edward Lear’s The Owl and the Pussycat

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
    In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
    Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
    And sang to a small guitar,
‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
      What a beautiful Pussy you are,
          You are,
          You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!’

 

II
Pussy said to the Owl, ‘You elegant fowl!
    How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
    But what shall we do for a ring?’
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
    To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
    With a ring at the end of his nose,
          His nose,
          His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

 

III
‘Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
    Your ring?’ Said the Piggy, ‘I will.’
So they took it away, and were married next day
    By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
    Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
    They danced by the light of the moon,
          The moon,
          The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

 

 

 

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